


Your Best Papyrus

by perniciousLizard



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Fluff, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:08:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6815275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Papyrus might have mixed feelings about sharing a run down house with his brother and his brother's pun-loving girlfriend, but he will still do what he can to make sure they are happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Best Papyrus

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again, jonsei93, for the prompt! It was: How about human!Sans/human!Toriel, talking about marriage?

The floorboards in the old house creaked with every step.  There was a dark stain on the ceiling from a roof leak that no expert seemed to be able to track down and stop.  

Papyrus and Toriel kept the place neat, but there was no escaping its age. They would fix the hinges on a door so it closed again, and the next day Toriel would put her foot through a board on the porch.  

It was kind of a pain!  But Sans’ girlfriend loved the place, and Sans loved to make terrible jokes with his girlfriend, and Papyrus understood that it was more convenient if he lived with her.  

Papyrus, meanwhile, was not going to be defeated by a _house_.  It had the upper hand for the time being, but once he stopped hammering his own thumb two times out of three, he would start to gain on it, and soon enough the three of them would be living in a properly insulated paradise!  

The best thing about the house was that it was so large he had plenty of places to run off and hide in when Toriel and Sans got that look in their eyes.  

“hey, tori.”

The three of them were sitting around the dinner table, sharing a delicious pasta dish made by the master-chef-to-be Papyrus.  Toriel had baked bread to go along with it and Sans was buttering a piece.

“Yes, Sans?”  She sat straight in her chair, her eyes glittering.  

“you know you’re my _butter_ half.”  

Papyrus gave his linguine a desperate look.  Would he have to abandon it?  

She covered her mouth with her hand, laughing behind it.  Toriel was over a decade older than Sans and had the mannerisms of a proper lady, along with a regal and enviable height.  If it were not for one trait, Papyrus would have deeply admired her.  

“Well, you know I _loaf_ and _knead_ you, too,” she said.

Papyrus pushed back his chair.  

“hey, tori, that’s a little too _saucy_ with my bro around.” Sans winked and wound some pasta onto his fork.

Yes, Papyrus was very happy that the house was so large that he got to have several rooms that were just his.  He also liked that it was so loud, so he could never accidentally sneak up on his brother and Toriel when they thought they were alone.  

Not that his appearing ever made them stop whatever ridiculous nonsense they were up to.  

Sans used the basement as a workshop and on rare days when he had the energy he would make the name “workshop” mean something and actually go down there.  Toriel would knock on the basement door around lunchtime.  

If Sans hadn’t fallen asleep, a minute later he would reply from the other side:

“who’s there?”  

Now, when it was Papyrus’ job to call him up for lunch, he would just say, “YOUR BEST BROTHER, PAPYRUS, WHO DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR NONSENSE!”  

And then Sans would say something like “your best brother papyrus who does not have time for your nonsense, who?”  

“YOUR BEST BROTHER PAPYRUS WHO DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR NONSENSE AND WHO IS ABOUT TO GIVE THIS DELICIOUS MEAL TO A DOG INSTEAD OF HIS BROTHER IF HE DOES NOT GET UPSTAIRS THIS INSTANT!”

“heh.  good delivery, but maybe work on the punchline.”  

Papyrus would repress the urge to throw Sans’ plate down the stairs, knowing very well that the plate and food would just stay where it landed until vermin carted it away.  

Toriel, however, would be ready.  "Orange."  

"orange who?”

“Orange you going to open the door, my dear?”  

“nice.”  Then Sans would knock on the door.  If Papyrus was standing nearby, he would add to the noise by letting his head fall against the wall.

“Who is there?”

“honeydew.”

“Honeydew, who?”

Sans opened the door.  "Honeydew you know how good you look right now?“

She laughed, delighted.  Sometimes she would hug him post-punchline, lifting his short, chubby body clear off the ground.  

Papyrus was happy that they were so happy!  He did not understand, however, why they also had to be obnoxious.  When it was just him and Toriel, working in the kitchen or the garden, he genuinely liked her.  She restrained herself from making the sort of jokes that were like verbal nails on chalkboard.  

He also did not mind them when they were just sitting on the couch watching a movie together.  Sans would fall asleep halfway through, his head on Toriel’s lap.  It was quiet.  Papyrus could do his homework in the same room as them without tearing his own hair out.  

Back in his room, later, carefully arranging his action figures for bed, Papyrus decided that he could put up with the bad parts of living in an old house, and the bad parts of his brother having a girlfriend he had so much in common with.  

Sans knocked on the door.

"COME IN!”  

Sans had to take a break halfway into the room to lean against the doorframe and yawn.  His hair was a complete rumpled mess and his eyes kept drooping shut, like he had not actually woken up from his nap on the sofa.  Papyrus should tell him that he was old enough that he did not need his older brother to check on him before bed anymore. He was not going to tell him, but he should. 

“you finish up?” Sans asked, his voice craggy from sleep.  

“OF COURSE I FINISHED MY HOMEWORK.”

“yeah, i don’t know why i asked.”  He shrugged and finished coming into the room.  He made it over to the chair next to the bed before needing another little break.  

Papyrus went to sit on the bed.  He was not planning on going to sleep for another hour or so, but he would play along with the nightly routine. Not for his own benefit!  He was humoring his brother, who still saw him as a child!  

“SANS,” he said, serious.  "YOU KNOW HOW EVERY SINGLE DAY, YOU TELL ME THAT I AM THE BEST BROTHER ANYONE COULD HAVE?"

"yeah.”

“WELL, IT IS TRUE!  BUT I WAS THINKING THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE I COULD BE!  SINCE I AM THE BEST IN SO MANY THINGS, I COULD BE – JUST TO THROW OUT AN EXAMPLE! – YOUR BEST MAN!”  

Sans blinked groggily at him a few times, and then sat straight up in his chair.  "uh," he said.  "that’s – that’s some example you picked.”  

Papyrus winked.  "IF YOU WERE WORRIED THAT I DID NOT APPROVE, AND SO HAVE BEEN HOLDING YOURSELF BACK, WORRY NO LONGER!  I COULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO STAND BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR  _BUTTER HALF_! NYEH-HEH-HEH!“

Sans covered his face with his hands.  "…ok."

"IT WILL BE EASY!  SHE ALREADY LETS YOU LIVE IN HER HOUSE AND SHE LISTENS TO YOUR AWFUL JOKES AND FINDS THEM FUNNY FOR SOME REASON!”

Sans said, quieter, “…ok.”  

Papyrus was inspired.  "I KNOW!  CROSSWORDS PUZZLES ARE BORING, SO INSTEAD OF WASTING YOUR LIFE TRYING TO ANSWER THE CLUES, FILL IN THE BOXES WITH ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME, TORIEL?’ AND THEN WHEN SHE LOOKS AT YOU, THAT IS WHEN YOU TAKE OUT THE ENGAGEMENT RING!"  Sans did not say anything.  "WE SHOULD GO THIS WEEKEND AND PICK ONE OUT.”  Or… “UNLESS…SANS…DO YOU ALREADY HAVE AN ENGAGEMENT RING?”

“…yeah.”

“I KNEW IT!  YOU WERE ONLY HOLDING BACK BECAUSE OF ME!  I AM SORRY IF YOU THOUGHT I WOULD EVER NOT WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, SANS.”  

“…nah.”  He seemed to recover himself, a little.  "uh, i was waiting for the right moment.  but i think that was just me being lazy about it.  we have things pretty good right now, don’t we, bro?"

"AND THINGS WILL BE BETTER WHEN I GET TO BE THE BEST PAPYRUS AT YOUR WEDDING!”  

“uh.  yeah, but maybe you’re jumping the gun.  not like she’s said yes, yet.”  

“WHY WOULD SHE EVER SAY NO?  YOU HAVE MANY TRAITS IN COMMON WITH ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND SHE SHARES YOUR LOVE OF AWFUL JOKES, WHICH IS YOUR WORST CHARACTER FLAW.  WHAT POSSIBLE OTHER REASON WOULD SHE HAVE FOR REJECTING YOU?  SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO MIND THAT YOU ARE LAZY, OR MESSY.  NO, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE IT WOULD GO THAT WAY.  SHE IS PROBABLY EITHER WAITING FOR YOU TO PROPOSE, OR SHE IS GETTING READY TO PROPOSE, HERSELF!”  

“anyone ever tell you, you’re great at pep talks.”  

“YOU MAY ALSO CALL ME 'PEP-YRUS!’”  

“heh.  yeah, i definitely will.  and i guess propose to tori.”

“THAT’S THE SPIRIT!  I BELIEVE IN YOU, SANS!”  

“hope it’s enough for both of us, cause i’m not buying it until i actually get a yes.”  

Papyrus nodded.  "I WILL BELIEVE EVEN HARDER, SO THAT THERE WILL BE SOME TO SPARE FOR YOU."  

"thanks, bro.”  

–

It was suddenly actually a negative that Papyrus could not sneak around the house.  He did not want to miss the proposal, but he had no idea when or where Sans was actually going to do it.  Every morning for a week, he watched Sans and Toriel do the crossword puzzle without her finding any surprise substitutions.  Sans fell asleep every time they watched television together.  Papyrus wondered if he had picked the incorrect party to push into proposing. 

Sans went to work downstairs, a full week after Papyrus had given him his pep-yrus talk.  Papyrus was sure he was just down there being lazy.  

“Knock, knock,” Toriel said, knocking on the basement door.  

“who’s there?”  

“Lettuce!”

“lettuce who?”

“Lettuce go and eat lunch!”  

“heh.”

Papyrus groaned.  He just wanted lunch, too.  

Sans knocked on the door.

“Who is there?”

“mary.”

“Mary who?”

“marry me.”  

Toriel went very still, and Papyrus did not say anything.  The silence seemed to stretch out.  

“…you are being serious, are you not?”

“yeah.”

“Then, yes.”

Papyrus made a high pitched noise and pulled Toriel into a warm, brotherly embrace.  There were tears in his eyes, he was so happy.  

The basement door opened.  "uh." 

"SANS! GIVE HER THE RING THIS INSTANT!”  

“you’re kind of…”  He shrugged.  "ok."  

Papyrus ran off to call all his friends.

–

"Oh. It is beautiful,” Toriel said.  "Thank you, Sans."  She wiped at her eyes.  "Papyrus was certainly…excited?”

“heh, yeah.  he’s a good kid.”  His hands, no longer holding the ring, went back into his pockets.  

“Sans, are you…sure about this?  You do not seem very happy,” she said, gently.  "It is fine if you have changed your mind.  I like how things are, at the moment."

He chuckled, again.  "was thinking about asking you the same thing. i won’t blame you if you said yes so you wouldn’t disappoint papyrus.”

“Well, of course that was the main reason,” she said.  "But the second reason was that I would love to marry you."  

He nodded, and some of the tenseness left his shoulders.  "can i put it on you?”

She held out her hand.  "Did you know, I have heard this is only the first of three rings in marriage."

"three?”

“Yes. There is the engagement ring, and then there is the wedding ring.”

He slipped the ring on her finger.  His hands were shaking, slightly. “what’s the third?”

“From my first marriage, I would say that it is suffe _ring_!”  She burst out laughing.  "I am sorry.  That was not appropriate.  Every joke about getting married is about how you will be miserable, I am afraid."  

"that was pretty good.  sure, kind of felt a chill there for a sec, but that was probably just from thinking about all the great marriage jokes we’ll get to tell.”  

She reached down and kissed the top of his head.  "I have hope that for us, the third ring will be ado _ring.“_

"ok. wow.  cute.”  He took her hand again.  "think pap’ll kill us if we skip the party and elope?"

–

They finally found the source of the leak, and when Papyrus repainted the ceiling, the stain did not come back.  The floors still creaked, and the heater made the house sound like there were ghosts living in the walls, but he was one step closer to victory.  

The next day, he found an enormous chewed hole in a cereal box in the pantry.  Sans was quite clear that it was not him.  Toriel suggested they set out more traps, and Papyrus was horrified when he discovered the kind of traps she meant.  He bought live traps and painstakingly drove out to release the innocent hungry little mice in a field miles away from the house.  The bathroom door started to stick.  Papyrus opened the freezer and realized everything in it was starting to get squishy.  Toriel and Sans had an endless supply of breakfast puns that they told each other every single morning.  

They told him if he complained about them having a small courthouse wedding, they would go and get hitched during the day while he was in school. 

Papyrus wore his best suit and cried the entire time.  


End file.
